Should daughters be forced to give money to Mom?

Dear Liz: I read with interest your recent column about the filial obligation law possibly coming into effect in California. I hope this is true. I have three grown daughters who make terrific money and who will not offer a pittance to me. I live on Social Security, period. I could really use a few hundred dollars a month to supplement. They had a glorious childhood and this is really sad and inexplicable. I want to contact someone involved with this law, if possible. I am puzzled and hurt. More than money, this situation has a strange malignity to it.

Answer: Currently, California’s filial responsibility law — which makes adult children responsible for supporting their indigent parents — isn’t being enforced. When similar laws in other states have been invoked, it’s typically because the parent is receiving governmental aid or has racked up a bill with a nursing home that wants to get paid.

One of the reasons the laws aren’t enforced is because most people feel an obligation toward their parents. The fact that your daughters apparently don’t indicates that there’s either something missing in their characters or in your characterization of the situation.

Here’s another perspective:

Dear Liz: I am 67 and live in a retirement home. I strongly feel that children should not have to take care of their parents. We all have time to save for our own futures. I left a marriage with very little other than a small child. We did lots of free events together because there was not money to spend. I did immediately start saving for retirement and her college. It all worked out, but had it not, I would not expect her to support me in my old age. I chose to get pregnant and have her…. She did not chose to have me!

Answer: Thanks for sharing your experience. My guess is that if your financial life had not worked out — if you hadn’t been able to save enough or if your savings had been wiped out — your daughter happily would have stepped up to help if she could. People who do their best to take care of themselves often find the support that isn’t offered to those who don’t.

Was letter writer blaming her parents?

Dear Liz: In your answer about filial responsibility, your statement that the letter writer’s financial situation is the result of her own choices and that she needs to stop blaming her parents is completely misjudged and inappropriate. Clearly, the writer is not blaming the parents and seems amazingly strong and clear thinking for one with her early background.

Answer: Here’s what the writer wrote about her situation:

“I am an only child in my late 30s and received no financial help from [my mother] from the age of 18. In addition, my father died when I was very young, leaving us fairly destitute with no life insurance. I feel that both of these legacies have contributed to my less-than-optimal financial situation.”

The writer goes on to say that she’s trying to catch up financially but she feels it would be futile because she may have to support her mother in the future.

The writer started her adult life at a financial disadvantage compared with people whose parents helped them pay for college. She may now regret the choices she made — perhaps she took on too much student loan debt or spent more than she earned to make up for early deprivation. Those were her choices, however, and at some point she needs to take responsibility for them. Twenty years later, it’s time to let go of the idea that her financial situation is her parents’ fault.

You may be held responsible for a parent who fails to save

Dear Liz: My mother is 65 and refuses to plan for retirement. She has worked for the same organization for almost 20 years and, despite my begging her over the last decade, has not contributed a dime to her 403(b).

I am an only child in my late 30s and received no financial help from her from the age of 18. In addition, my father died when I was very young, leaving us fairly destitute with no life insurance. I feel that both of these legacies have contributed to my less-than-optimal financial situation.

I have had to work very hard on my own for everything, with very little support from anyone. I am now trying to catch up financially but am afraid that all of my efforts will be futile as I will be required to take care of my mother.

She says she expects to be able to live on Social Security and the $70,000 her company contributed to her 403(b) over the years. I’ve been advised by friends that I have no legal obligations to provide for her. I certainly have social ones though. What are her options once she becomes too old to work and doesn’t have enough money to cover her expenses?

Answer: Your friends may be wrong about your legal obligations, because 29 states — including California — have what are called “filial responsibility” laws. These laws create a legal duty for adult children to support indigent parents.

Most states don’t enforce these laws currently, but that doesn’t mean they won’t in the future, said elder-law attorney Michael Amoruso, a past president of the New York chapter of the National Academy of Elder Law Attorneys. States struggling with money issues may be tempted to step up enforcement, he said.

According to Katherine Pearson of Penn State‘s Dickinson School of Law, who has studied such statutes, the states with filial-responsibility laws are Alaska, Arkansas, California, Connecticut, Delaware, Georgia, Indiana, Iowa, Kentucky, Louisiana, Maryland, Massachusetts, Mississippi, Montana, Nevada, New Hampshire, New Jersey, North Carolina, North Dakota, Ohio, Oregon, Pennsylvania, Rhode Island, South Dakota, Tennessee, Utah, Vermont, Virginia and West Virginia.

Your mother isn’t indigent yet, but she may be soon if she thinks Social Security and a five-figure retirement account will sustain her.

The good news is that you may still have time to influence her decision-making, because she hasn’t quit work yet. You should tell her, gently, that you can’t afford to support her if she runs out of money, and suggest that together you consult a fee-only financial planner about her future.

The planner can review your mother’s financial situation and offer suggestions — which are likely to include delaying retirement and considering part-time work in retirement. The planner also can explain that her $70,000 nest egg will provide only about $200 a month if she withdraws 4% initially. Four percent is considered a sustainable withdrawal rate by many financial planners.

You can tell her that consulting a planner is a good idea for anyone considering retirement — since that’s quite true. If you like the planner, you can book a session for yourself and learn some concrete strategies for getting your own finances on track. This may require an attitude adjustment.

You’re still blaming your parents for your financial situation, but your father’s been dead for decades and you’ve been on your own since age 18. In other words, the statute of limitations on blaming your folks has long since expired.

Your finances are the result of the choices you’ve made, just as your mother’s situation reflects the choices she’s made. Let’s hope you both make better choices in the future.

Retirement advice you wouldn’t expect: stop saving (so much)

Dear Liz: I’m in my late 60s and plan to retire in about two years. I have a pension that will pay close to my current take-home income. I also have about $500,000 in annuities and IRAs. These plus Social Security make retirement look good. But right now finances are tight. Should I continue to put $1,300 a month into my retirement plan or use that money for expenses and travel now — while we’re still relatively young?

Answer: You appear to be in the fortunate position of being able to try a “practice retirement.”

The term was created by mutual fund company T. Rowe Price after it discovered that people who have saved substantial amounts for retirement by age 60 may not have to save much more to have a comfortable retirement. Just putting off the day when they take Social Security and tap their retirement funds may be enough. That’s because Social Security benefits grow about 7% to 8% a year, plus inflation adjustments, for each year you delay starting your checks. Not starting retirement plan distributions also allows your nest egg to grow, and the delay shortens the length of retirement you’ll need to cover.

T. Rowe Price found that people who have saved four to eight times their annual income by their early 60s may be able to crank back on their retirement contributions. Instead, they could use the money to “practice retirement” by taking some trips and doing some of the other things they had planned for golden years while continuing to work.

The company recommends practice retirees continue to contribute enough to employer retirement plans to get any available match (it’s free money, after all), while delaying the start of Social Security to age 70 if possible.

T. Rowe Price researchers assumed that its practice retirees would live only on their savings and Social Security. The fact that you have such a generous pension means you may not need as much saved as they recommend. In any case, if this idea appeals to you, run it past a fee-only financial planner who can review your situation and ensure the plan is viable for you.

Why millennials have to be smarter than their parents

Help at financial crisisNerdWallet recently published a fascinating study contending that high debt loads will prevent today’s college graduates from retiring before age 73. I have a few nitpicks with the study, but the underlying message is clear: millennials will have to be a lot smarter than previous generations if they want a decent, on-time retirement.

First, my nitpicks.  NerdWallet contends the current average retirement age is 61. It’s actual 62 for women and 64 for men, according to the most recent research by Alicia Munnell, director of the influential Center for Retirement Research at Boston College. (Munnell authored another interesting brief showing that the “real” Social Security retirement age is now 70, which gives people the same expected length of retirement they had back in 1940. Furthermore, an argument could be made to move it to 73 for millennials, who will live even longer than Boomers. I won’t make that argument, though, since I wouldn’t have to wait that long…I’m sure most others wouldn’t, either.)

The NerdWallet study also assumes that paying off student loans inevitably will prevent millennials from making significant contributions to their retirement funds for the first 10 years of their careers—years when they would get the most benefit from retirement contributions. Thanks to the miracle of compounding, $1,000 contributed to a retirement account can grow to $20,000 or more by retirement age. Wait 10 years to contribute that first $1,000, and your growth is cut by half, to $10,000.

So here’s what millennials should know:

Retirement contributions can’t wait. Retirement really has to be your top priority from the time you get your first paycheck. You can’t get back lost opportunities to save and nothing—including debt repayment—is more important than this.

Don’t be in a rush to pay back student loans. Federal student loans, especially, are flexible debt with a ton of consumer protections. If you can’t pay your student loans and contribute to a retirement fund, then consolidate your loans to a longer payback period so that you can put some money away for tomorrow. Yes, you’ll pay more interest on your loans, but that cost will be swamped by the growth of your retirement accounts once you factor in the tax breaks and compounding you’ll get. If you have a company match, the calculation’s even more of a slam dunk.

Get a better 401(k). Beggars can’t be choosers, and many millennials will have to take what they can get in this very tough job market. As they build their skills and networks, though, they should start looking for positions with companies that offer good 401(k)s with generous matches. In the meantime, they should contribute to any workplace plan that’s offered. No plan? Set up an IRA with automatic transfers to fund it. You’ve got to find a way to save if you want to quit work someday.

Dragging debt? You’re not ready to retire

Dear Liz: I just turned 65 and had planned to wait until 70 to retire. I love the actual work I do but my boss is very challenging. I’m starting to question whether working here another five years is really how I want to spend my days at this point in my life. I have about $175,000 in my 401(k), about $35,000 in an IRA and $1,500 in a single stock that’s not in a retirement account. I have two years left on my primary mortgage and a $17,000 balance on my second mortgage, plus I owe $3,500 on a line of credit and $2,000 on credit cards. I was starting to take money out of my IRA to pay down my mortgage early but the taxes at the end of the year were so much that I stopped that distribution. (I still owe $500 to the state tax agency.) I have also had trouble keeping up with my property taxes and owe about $3,500. I live in a 900-square-foot home which I love and live a fairly simple life. I’m wondering about cashing in the stock and some of my IRA to pay down my debt, then using my 401(k) for living expenses until I actually draw from Social Security. As I’m typing this out I’m thinking, “Are you crazy?” I’d love your thoughts.

Answer: One definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again, expecting different results.

Tapping your IRA incurred a big tax bill that you’ve yet to fully repay. You also lost all the future tax-deferred gains that money could have earned. Why would you consider doing that again?

You may long for retirement, but it’s pretty clear you aren’t ready. You don’t have a lot of savings, given how long retirement can last, and you’re dragging a lot of debt. The type of debt you have — second mortgages, credit lines, credit cards — is an indicator you’re regularly spending beyond your means. If you can’t live within your income now, you’ll have a terrible time when it drops in retirement.

So instead of bailing on work, take retirement for a test drive instead. Figure out how much you’d get from Social Security at your full retirement age next year (you can get an estimate at http://www.ssa.gov.) Add $700 a month to that figure, since that’s what you could withdraw from your current retirement account balances without too great a risk of running out of money. Once you figure out how to live on that amount, you can put the rest of your income toward paying off debt (starting with your overdue taxes), building up your retirement accounts and creating an emergency fund. It’s OK to cash out the stock to pay off debt, since it’s not in a retirement account, but make sure you set aside enough of the proceeds to cover the resulting tax bill.

Don’t forget to budget for medical expenses, including Medicare premiums and out-of-pocket costs. Fidelity estimates a typical couple retiring in 2013 should have $220,000 to pay out-of-pocket medical expenses that aren’t covered by Medicare. That doesn’t include long-term-care costs. Your costs may be lower, but you’ll want to budget conservatively. Spend some time with the Nolo Press book “Social Security, Medicare & Government Pensions: Get the Most out of Your Retirement & Medical Benefits.”

You’ll be ready to retire when you’re debt-free and able to live on your expected income without leaning on credit.

Thursday’s need-to-know money news

Old Woman Hand on CaneA September financial to-do list, the benefits of having multiple bank accounts, and why being cheap could make you more attractive to other people.

5 Credit Mistakes Older Americans Make
Paying attention to your credit is especially important as you get older.

The Financial Moves You Should Make in September
How to prepare for upcoming holiday expenses.

How Many Bank Accounts do you Need?
The pros and cons of multiple bank accounts.

Hands Off That 401(k)! 3 Reasons You Should Not Touch Your Retirement Savings
Why it’s a bad idea to disturb your nest egg.

Are frugal people more attractive?
Could being thrifty lead to romance?

Wednesday’s need-to-know money news

HomeHow not to sabotage your finances, what to be on the lookout for when buying a new car, and finding the hidden costs of retirement.

10 Ways to Sabotage Your Finances
Consider this a To Not Do List.

Use Cash or Mortgage to Buy a Vacation Home?
The answer may surprise you.

6 ways to financially protect yourself in case of serious injury
Don’t let your injuries spread to your finances.

5 sneaky car dealer sales tricks
How to avoid falling for the good old bait-and-switch.

4 Hidden Costs of Retirement
What to be on the lookout for.

The young and the foolish

Stop-watchLifehacker’s post today “How Much You Should Save for Retirement, Based on 139 Years of Data” is a nice summary of Professor Wade Pfau’s research on “safe savings rates.” But some of the comments made me groan.

The reasons people gave for not saving for retirement aren’t unusual: some can’t imagine ever getting old (you will) and some think there are more important things to do than save for retirement (there aren’t). The most frustrating come from people who are obviously young and thus obviously wasting their most precious asset—time.

Just look at the chart provided with the post. The longer you wait to save for retirement, the more you have to put aside to “catch up”—until catching up becomes all but impossible. Someone aiming for a replacement rate of 70% of her final salary needs to save about 12% of her income if she starts in her 20s (with 40 years until retirement). If she waits until her 40s, with 20 years left, she has to save half of her income. Half. How many 40-somethings will manage that? Sure, you may have student loan debt now, and you want to save for a down payment, and maybe get a better car, but trust me—it won’t be any easier to save down the road when you have even more obligations than you do now.

In the meantime, you will have wasted all those opportunities to get tax breaks and tax-deferred gains. You’ll have given up company matches you can’t get back. Most important, though, you’ll have blown the opportunity to let compounding–that miracle of math–work for you. Your money can’t earn returns that will earn returns that will earn returns if you don’t get it into your retirement accounts in the first place. The earlier you get it in there, the longer it has to work for you, and the more money you’ll ultimately have.

So sign up for that 401(k) or IRA. Set up automatic transfers now, and boost your contributions regularly. Do it before you do anything else, including paying down debt or working on your emergency fund. Let time be on your side, because it won’t be for long.

How to deal with your debt

Zemanta Related Posts ThumbnailDebt may be a four-letter word, but it’s not necessarily the enemy. Some debts are much, much worse than others, and knowing which to tackle first can leave you richer.

That’s the central idea of my book “Deal with Your Debt,” and I go into more detail in this interview with Experian’s Mike Delgado. (Also, you’ll get a great view of one of our bedrooms…I couldn’t get my laptop to cooperate with Google Hangout, so I had to resort to the desktop.)

We covered a bunch of topics, including:

  • What you need to know about getting, and paying off, student loans
  • Why retirement has to be your top financial goal (yes, even ahead of paying off debt)
  • What debts to tackle first and
  • When to consider filing for bankruptcy

…and much more.