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elder abuse

Q&A: Friends don’t ask friends for condos

August 11, 2025 By Liz Weston Leave a Comment

Dear Liz: I have a younger friend who has asked me to leave them a condo I own. I would prefer the condo remain in my daughter’s name, and designate that the income from the condo go to my friend after my death. Is there a way to do this?

Answer: Your friend just handed you a massive red flag. Please heed this warning that they may not be trustworthy.

Generally speaking, people shouldn’t be asking for bequests for themselves. That’s especially true when the request is unsolicited — in other words, if you didn’t open the door by requesting what they might want from your estate.

Someone who feels comfortable enough to ask for a handout after your death may have no compunction about helping themselves to your money while you’re still alive. Financial elder abuse is a huge problem, and the perpetrators are often people the victim knows such as friends, family and caregivers.

Please tell your daughter about this request, and consider going together to an estate planning attorney. The attorney can make sure your estate plan is in order and discuss ways you can protect yourself from schemers and fraudsters.

Filed Under: Estate planning, Q&A Tagged With: elder abuse, financial elder abuse, Inheritance, will

Q&A: To help elderly dad hold off mooching adult kids, call in the experts

July 3, 2017 By Liz Weston

Dear Liz: My dad, age 90, needs personal care and I am trying to get him to move out of his house to a senior residential place. He is in agreement, but it is taking a long time to make this happen. He owns his home free and clear and, along with the sale of his home, has enough financial assets to cover these costs.

The problem is my two sisters’ husbands, who overspend and are in debt. These two guys continue to pressure my sisters to ask my dad for money for such things as their mortgages, expenses for their children and credit card debt. My sisters are not just starting out — they are in their 50s! Not only that, when I ask them for help with our dad, they flake out on me. I’ve told them that the financial assistance can’t continue because Dad will need his money to pay for his care.

I feel that my sisters’ and their husbands’ behavior is senior financial abuse. I read that this situation happens a lot in families, where the kids will milk an elderly, wealthy, sympathetic parent or grandparent, sometimes draining their savings. Or one dysfunctional sibling with take financial advantage of a parent, while other siblings in the family struggle with making ends meet. In our family, both my sisters have children, so my dad feels a soft spot for helping them out. I am single, no children, and I am treated differently. I do struggle to make ends meet. My dad is sometimes even reluctant to reimburse me $20 for gas that I spend driving him around and doing shopping and errands.

I’m trying to remain on good terms with my sisters but it is getting tough. Is there any financial advice or references you can give in my situation?

Answer: You’re right that most financial abuse of the elderly is committed by people close to the person, typically family, friends or caregivers. The toll isn’t small, either. A survey by Allianz Life Insurance Company found that the average victim lost $30,000 and 1 in 10 lost more than $100,000.

Family members may not see what they’re doing as abuse. They may think that they “deserve” the money or that it’s some kind of advance on a future inheritance. They also know that Dad just can’t say no and will continue to press him for money as long as they’re allowed to do so.

You and your dad should consult an elder law attorney to discuss ways your dad can be protected against predators. You can get referrals from the National Assn. of Elder Law Attorneys at naela.org, and the attorney can discuss your options.

One obvious solution would be for Dad to hand over his checkbook to you, which would give you the unpleasant job of standing up to your brothers-in-law. You’re certainly in a better position to do so than your elderly father, but he may not be willing to give up control or you may not want the job.

Another option is hiring third parties. Daily money managers provide personal finance and bookkeeping services to elderly clients. They can keep a watchful eye on transactions and spot signs of fraud. You can get referrals from the the American Assn. of Daily Money Managers at aadmm.com. Hiring a geriatric care manager also could be a good move. The manager could assess your father’s health, living and financial situations and help craft a plan to help him move forward. Referrals are available from the Aging Life Care Assn. at aginglifecare.org.

Filed Under: Elder Care, Estate planning, Financial Advisors, Q&A Tagged With: elder abuse, elder care, elder law, elderly, family and money, finances, financial elder abuse, q&a, scam

Wednesday’s need-to-know money news

January 27, 2016 By Liz Weston

Credit report with score on a desk
Credit report with score on a desk
Today’s top story: Why students missed out on nearly $3 billion dollars in financial aid. Also in the news: Things on your credit report that look like errors, but might not be, how to protect your loved ones from financial elder abuse, and how to protect inherited IRA assets from creditors via a trust.

3 Things on Your Credit Report That Look Like Errors, But Might Not Be
Analyzing your report.

Why students missed out on $2.7 billion in financial aid last year
The FAFSA is essential.

How to Protect Your Loved Ones (and Yourself) From Financial Elder Abuse
Protecting their assets.

Protect Inherited IRA Assets From Creditors With a Trust
Keeping your inheritance.

Filed Under: Liz's Blog Tagged With: Credit, credit report, credit report errors, elder abuse, financial aid, IRA assets

Monday’s need-to-know money news

December 28, 2015 By Liz Weston

financial doomToday’s top story: How to jump-start your 2016 debt repayment plan. Also in the news: Money resolutions for 2016, how banks fail to stop elder abuse, and how three folders can make your tax preparation easier.

3 Ways to Jump-Start Your Debt Repayment Plan in 2016
No time to waste.

7 Money Resolutions To Make In 2016
Time to tackle your financial goals.

How banks fail to stop elder abuse
What’s holding them back?

Make Tax Prep Easier With a Three Folder System
Getting your paperwork in order.

Filed Under: Liz's Blog Tagged With: debt, debt repayment. money resolutions, elder abuse, tax preparation, Taxes

Thursday’s need-to-know money news

August 14, 2014 By Liz Weston

seniorslaptopToday’s top story: Personal finance tips from big data companies. Also in the news: Why more seniors are being duped out of their money, the right amount to have in your emergency savings and ten ways to best spend $1000.

Three Personal Finance Tips From Big Data
Analyzing your spending habits.

More Seniors Getting Swindled Out of Money
Preying on some of our most vulnerable

How Much Is in Your Emergency Fund?
What is your emergency sweet spot?”

We asked a palm reader and a financial adviser how to handle our money
Who came out on top?

10 Smart Ways to Spend $1,000
And possibly double your money.

Filed Under: Liz's Blog Tagged With: elder abuse, emergency fund, Retirement, Savings, tips

Are sons plotting–or genuine?

May 5, 2013 By Liz Weston

Dear Liz: I read your response with interest regarding the two sons in their 60s who were pressuring their parents into taking a reverse mortgage, according to a neighbor who wrote to you about the situation. You may be correct that the sons are trying to get an early inheritance, but you may also be very wrong. The sons may feel well off enough that they don’t need an inheritance and that the money would be better spent by the parents to enjoy their remaining years.

As a reverse mortgage loan officer, I’ve had seniors who are not cash-poor and house-rich go on extended vacations, purchase income properties, buy long-term healthcare policies and fund a research and development project for an invention, to name a few uses. I even know someone who bought a Ferrari, which had been a lifelong desire.

Reverse mortgages are no longer considered to be a loan of last resort. They are, in fact, a source of tax-free cash used in a variety of ways such as preserving and prolonging taxable cash assets, and for seniors who don’t need cash to live on, they may be used by their financial planners for arbitrage purposes.

By the way, I did like your reference to elder care attorneys. Many seniors think it’s a waste of time or way too expensive, but I frequently refer my clients to them as well. They are almost always able to justify the expense in the savings they produce for their clients.

Answer: While there can be many reasonable uses of reverse mortgages, remember that the parents in this case are in their 90s. This may not be a time in their lives when they’re longing for adventure travel, hot cars and investment real estate. It’s certainly not a time in life when they could buy affordable long-term care policies.

There could, however, be another explanation, as the following reader outlines:

Dear Liz: I just read your column about the neighbor’s concern that an elderly couple was being pressured by their sons to get a reverse mortgage. I am glad you mentioned the possibility of fraud by the sons. The elderly are vulnerable and need advocates.

The concerned writer needs to consider another option. Maybe the elderly couple is not doing as well financially as they portray. I was once a concerned neighbor to an elderly widow. As a ploy to remain independent, she was not always upfront about how well (or not well) she was doing. In her case it was health issues that she would hide or downplay (money was not an issue). Though all the neighbors cared and looked out for her, we did not have all the facts that the family had and the family was not aware of all we knew. The concerned neighbor should reach out to the sons. Hopefully the sons are looking out for their parents’ best interests and the neighbor can assist the sons in that common goal.

Answer: Your neighborhood is to be commended for trying to help an elderly person in poor health. Intervening in a financial matter, however, could be fraught with peril and lead to an ugly confrontation with the sons. That’s why directing the parents to an elder law attorney — one affiliated with the National Academy of Elder Law Attorneys at http://www.naela.org — probably would be a better course. The attorney could better protect the parents against potential financial abuse while assessing whether they might need more help than they’re letting on.

Filed Under: Elder Care, Q&A, Real Estate, Retirement Tagged With: elder abuse, elder law, mortgage, National Academy of Elder Law Attorneys, reverse mortgage

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