Couples & Money

Q&A: What is financial infidelity? And what should you do about it?

January 1, 2024 By Liz Weston

Dear Liz: My sister is married to a man who is considerably older. They’ve been married for eight years. He has cancer and the outlook isn’t good, but he refuses to discuss their financial status. As a result, she has no idea what’s going on. How can she force him to tell her their financial situation? They aren’t getting divorced, and every article I’ve read only addresses financial disclosure in divorce cases. I will probably be the one helping her figure this out after he passes away.

Answer: Refusing to discuss the details of shared finances is at best a form of financial infidelity. A recent NerdWallet survey conducted by the Harris Poll found that many Americans aren’t sharing financial secrets with loved ones, including their income, credit card debt and how much they’ve spent on a purchase.

But at worst, it can be a sign of abuse. If he’s controlling or abusive in other ways, her physical safety may be at risk. Encourage her to call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at (800) 799-7233, which can help her assess her situation and connect her to resources that can help.

Even if she doesn’t plan to divorce, a consultation with a divorce attorney could still help. The attorney could suggest ways to piece together some of the details of their financial life and advise her about state laws regarding shared responsibility for any debts.

Q&A: What happens to joint credit cards after your spouse dies?

November 27, 2023 By Liz Weston

Dear Liz: My husband died last year and we have three credit cards in his name with me as authorized user. When applying for new credit, do I still use his name or my name now? And should I remove his name and put my name only on all accounts?

Answer: You’ll apply for new credit in your own name, using your own credit history and income. If your credit cards are joint accounts, you can simply ask the issuers to remove your husband’s name.

Here’s the thing, though: Few credit cards these days are joint accounts. Typically there is a primary cardholder and an authorized user. When the primary cardholder dies, credit card issuers usually close the account, often within a few weeks.

Issuers normally find out about the death from the person settling the estate or from the Social Security Administration. Social Security, in its turn, usually learns about the death from the funeral home or from the person settling the estate.

It’s possible there has simply been an oversight, but you’ll want to make sure your husband’s death has been properly reported to Social Security and his creditors. If you are an authorized user rather than a joint account holder, you may find the card issuers will work with you to get replacement cards although you may have to settle for a smaller credit limit if your income has dropped (which is unfortunately a common situation for survivors).

Q&A: Home equity in community property states

November 13, 2023 By Liz Weston

Dear Liz: I live in California and have been married for 20 years. My spouse bought our home before our marriage and my name is not on the title as a co-owner. However, I contribute to most of our monthly financial obligations which include paying the mortgage, property taxes, etc. In the event of death or separation, how much of the current home equity am I entitled to? This is our only and primary residence.

Answer: Normally, an asset that was purchased before marriage is considered separate property even in community property states such as California. But if the mortgage is paid down with “community funds” — money earned by either spouse during the marriage — then the spouse who isn’t on the title may be entitled to some of the appreciation that occurs after the wedding.

That may not prevent you from being evicted if your spouse dies, however, or having to fight an expensive battle in court if you divorce. Consulting an attorney now could help you better prepare for either possibility.

Q&A: What’s a qualified charitable distribution?

November 6, 2023 By Liz Weston

Dear Liz: I have a suggestion for the couple who is facing the start of required minimum distributions from their retirement accounts but who do not need the money. They could consider making a qualified charitable distribution (QCD). A QCD allows you to donate to a charity directly from your IRA and satisfies your RMD requirement. The only caveat is that the money cannot pass through your hands. It must go directly from the IRA to the charity. You can’t take a deduction for the contribution, but the money won’t count as taxable income. Although the age of RMD has been rising in recent years, the age for a QCD remains at 70½. The maximum allowable is $100,000 per taxpayer a year. A husband and wife can each make a QCD if they have separate IRAs.

Answer: Qualified charitable distributions can be a great solution for people who have saved more in their retirement accounts than they need and who want to benefit good causes. The charity must be a 501(c)(3) organization that can receive tax-deductible contributions, and, as you note, the money needs to be transferred directly from the retirement account and the contribution made before the year’s RMD deadline, which is typically Dec. 31. There are a few other rules involved, so consider consulting a tax pro before arranging a QCD.