Dear Liz: My sister is married to a man who is considerably older. They’ve been married for eight years. He has cancer and the outlook isn’t good, but he refuses to discuss their financial status. As a result, she has no idea what’s going on. How can she force him to tell her their financial situation? They aren’t getting divorced, and every article I’ve read only addresses financial disclosure in divorce cases. I will probably be the one helping her figure this out after he passes away.
Answer: Refusing to discuss the details of shared finances is at best a form of financial infidelity. A recent NerdWallet survey conducted by the Harris Poll found that many Americans aren’t sharing financial secrets with loved ones, including their income, credit card debt and how much they’ve spent on a purchase.
But at worst, it can be a sign of abuse. If he’s controlling or abusive in other ways, her physical safety may be at risk. Encourage her to call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at (800) 799-7233, which can help her assess her situation and connect her to resources that can help.
Assuming that they file a joint tax return, she can order a copy of their return from the IRS, which would provide significant information to her about their finances. Or contact the couple’s tax preparer, if she knows who that is. If she is a joint holder on any of his credit cards, she can also access the statements.
Q&A: What is financial infidelity? And what should you do about it?
Also a reviw of her husband’s tax return will show items of his assets where he had reported income.
Yes, that’s something the divorce attorney will tell her, and that can be helpful if they have significant assets.