Dear Liz: I am 30 and have two sisters, ages 31 and 27. My wife and I both have good jobs that allow us to live comfortably and save for retirement. My sisters, on the other hand, have severe money problems. My older sister works a low-paying retail job. She is unable to save and is currently at risk of having her wages and tax refunds garnished because of unpaid student loans. My mom provides her with support when she asks for it. The other sister still lives at home. While she makes decent money by working two jobs, she spends all of her money on “wants,” and my mom pays all of her living expenses. The only bill my younger sister pays is her car payment. She also currently has close to $100,000 in student loans that she just had to start paying on.
I have tried to provide both my sisters with budgeting advice, and I have recommended books that I have used as the blueprint for our budget. Neither of them takes the advice. I have talked to my mom about both sisters’ situations. While my mom agrees that both are in bad shape, she is unwilling to show either of them the tough love that they need to improve their situations. Do you have any advice on recommendations that I could make to help any of them out?
Answer: The best advice is to stop offering advice.
Your mom and sisters have made it quite clear they’re not interested in what you have to say. Continuing to offer your opinions on their situations would be tiresome and pointless.
Yes, it’s hard to watch people struggle when you think you know what could help them. But keep in mind that: a) you might be wrong about what they need right now, and b) nobody asked you, anyway.
If you’re passionate about teaching people to manage their finances, you might look into becoming a certified financial planner or other planning professional. The CFP Board of Standards has information at http://www.cfp.net. If people are paying you for your advice, they’re somewhat more likely to listen to it.
Otherwise, you’ll have a captive audience for your financial teaching if you and your wife should have children. And as a parent, you’ll get to experience firsthand how it feels to be the target of unsolicited advice.
It’s risky to give advice to family, especially siblings. You say you and your wife have good jobs, and your sisters don’t. They will probably just tune you out as being someone who can’t understand their situations. Or, they’ll start tapping you for money!