Dear Liz: My mother recently passed and my sister is handling all the legalities. At one point, my sister mentioned our mother had a sizable savings account plus two retirement accounts valued at $400,000, and that I would receive something. Now she is simply saying, “I don’t know where the money has gone.” She handled all my mother’s finances for years before her death. How is this possible? I can’t hire an attorney, nor do I want to alienate my sister or seem greedy. What should I do?
Answer: If your sister handled your mother’s finances for years and she’s settling the estate, then she almost certainly knows where the money went. Why she won’t tell you is the mystery.
Your mother’s money may have been eaten up by long-term care expenses, which can be breathtakingly expensive. That’s especially true if there was a long gap between your sister’s disclosure about the accounts and your mother’s death.
If that were the case, though, your sister could just say so.
There are many other possibilities. Your mother could have been scammed, or gambled away the money, or been the victim of financial elder abuse. Abusers are often people the elders know, including relatives and caregivers.
Perhaps your sister didn’t help herself during your mother’s lifetime, but arranged to be the beneficiary of all the accounts, either with or without your mother’s consent.
You don’t have many options if you aren’t willing or able to consult an attorney, but you wouldn’t be greedy to ask for some clarity from your sister.