Answer: You’re not dealing with a financial advisor who has your best interests at heart. You’re dealing with a salesman who is mostly, if not solely, concerned about the commission he’s going to earn from selling you an insurance or investment product should you take his unsound advice.

Borrowing to invest is a risky strategy. Putting your home on the line to do so is particularly unwise. The interest rates on your home equity loan may be low now, but the rate is variable and can rise substantially. If you can’t make the payments, you could lose your home.

If he were honest, this is the pitch he would have made to you: “You don’t make enough money to afford the product I want to sell to you. Therefore, I want you to put your home at risk so I can make this commission. Your borrowing costs and the costs of this investment will likely eat up most of your returns, but at least I’ll have my money.”

If he’s selling insurance, you should report him to your state’s insurance commissioner. If he’s selling stocks or other investments, report him to the Securities and Exchange Commission.

If he has any professional investment credentials — which isn’t likely, but anything is possible — you should report him to the organizations that granted those.

Remember that anyone can call himself or herself a financial advisor. There are no education, experience or ethics requirements. If you want someone who meets higher standards, look for a certified financial planner or a personal financial specialist (a designation given to certified public accountants with financial planning training).

And pay attention to how the planner is paid. A fee-only planner accepts only the fees you pay, while a “fee-based” planner may accept commissions from the products he or she sells. If you don’t want commissions to affect the advice you get, consider a fee-only planner.

Answer: Widows and widowers are often advised not to make any big decisions in the first year of their bereavement. Unfortunately, bill collectors aren’t willing to wait that long.

You need to determine your liability for your late husband’s debts. Don’t rely on what collection agents tell you. They may insist you have a legal or moral obligation to pay a bill when you don’t. An experienced probate or bankruptcy attorney can help you sort through the debts to see which ones need to be paid from your husband’s estate, which you may be responsible for and which can go unpaid. Student loan obligations, for example, typically end at death unless you or someone else co-signed the loans.

You also need to make sure you get all the money and property to which you’re entitled. You and your children may qualify for Social Security survivor benefits. (You can find out more at http://www.ssa.gov.) You also may inherit retirement funds and life insurance policies that are protected from creditors. Life insurance policies that name you as a beneficiary, for instance, pass outside your husband’s estate and don’t have to be shared with creditors — again, regardless of what collection agencies may tell you.

Once you’ve sorted out his estate, you can begin rebuilding your financial life for yourself and your children. A fee-only planner can help you get started. You can get referrals from the Garrett Planning Network at http://www.garrettplanningnetwork.com, which represents planners who charge by the hour, or the National Assn. of Personal Financial Advisors at http://www.napfa.org, which represents planners who charge retainer fees or a percentage of assets they manage for you.

If you’re hyperventilating over the latest market gyrations, read Ron Lieber’s latest post at the New York Times’ Bucks Blog: “People who should sell stocks now.”

Finally, check out “Never dumpster dive for plastic containers” at Donna Freedman’s Surviving and Thriving blog. Donna and I have both lost family members to colon cancer, so I hope you’ll take to heart the serious message wrapped inside Donna’s usual loopy humor.

Answer: It’s possible, but rather unlikely, that you were dealing with a fee-only financial planner. Some planners charge fees, but they also take commissions — and annuities tend to pay fat commissions.

If you want advice that’s free of such conflicts, you’ll need to look for a true fee-only (not fee-based) financial planner. You can get referrals from the National Assn. of Personal Financial Advisors at http://www.napfa.org or the Garrett Planning Network at http://www.garrettplanningnetwork.com.

Answer: If your advisor gets paid a commission for selling annuities, as she probably does, she’s not an objective source for you on this topic. Consider investing a few hundred dollars to consult a fee-only financial planner, who can review your financial situation and your investments and offer advice.

Variable annuities aren’t always a terrible option, but they’re a poor fit for IRAs, which already offer the tax deferral that’s a big part of an annuity’s appeal. The so-called living benefits that guarantee a certain payoff typically come at a high price, which is why you should always run these investments past an objective source before you buy.

Answer: Unless your broker is a comprehensive financial planner — which is highly unlikely, given that you’re 100% invested in stocks when you almost certainly should be taking less risk — he shouldn’t be offering advice. You need to consult a fee-only financial planner who can review your entire situation, including how much you spend, your risk tolerance, your health, your expected longevity, any upcoming purchases or lifestyle changes and any legacies you may want to leave behind. Only then can the planner give you personalized, knowledgeable advice about this crucial area of planning.

You can get referrals from the National Assn. of Personal Financial Advisors at http://www.napfa.org, the Garrett Planning Network at http://www.garrettplanningnetwork.com and the Alliance of Cambridge Advisors at http://www.acaplanners.org. Each site offers advice about how to evaluate and choose a planner.

Answer: Congratulations. Marrying your financial opposite can be challenging, but it also can help you create a more balanced financial life. Savers can learn how to enjoy life today as well as save for tomorrow, while spenders can learn how budgeting and saving actually free them for a richer life overall.

You’re off to a good start by recognizing that your partner’s perspective is different from, but not worse than, your own. Frugal folks sometimes make the mistake of believing their approach to money is the only right way and insisting their spouses have to shape up, rather than recognizing these issues are subject to discussion and compromise.

Start by talking about retirement — when you’d like to quit work, where you’d like to live, what you’d like to do. Playing around with an online retirement calculator can give you both a better idea of the trade-offs you’ll have to make. An early retirement with lots of travel may require a savings rate that’s greater than he (and perhaps even you) would be willing to sustain. Retiring a bit later and spending somewhat less can lower the savings rate to something more comfortable.

Once you find the middle ground, put your plan into practice. Remember that retirement savings needs to come first, even when you have debts and are saving for other goals. Retirement will be expensive, and a delayed start on saving can cost you dearly.

The exercise of creating a retirement savings plan is good practice for every other discussion you’ll have about money. There are always trade-offs involved, and both halves of a couple need to sign off on a money plan for it to work.

It also can help for each of you to have some “no questions asked” spending money, so you don’t have to discuss and compromise over every dollar you spend. Another helpful idea is the “talk to me” limit in which any purchase over a certain dollar amount requires the consent of the other partner. The amount depends on the details of your finances; try $50 to start.

Answer: You don’t have to actually turn your life savings over to an advisor to get sound financial advice. Some fee-only planners charge by the hour to create recommendations for your portfolio, which you can then execute. You can get referrals to these fee-only, hourly planners via the Garrett Planning Network, http://www.garrettplanningnetwork.com.

You have other options, as well. Sites including FinancialEngines.com and ESPlanner.com offer software that can help you create a portfolio. Brokerages and mutual fund companies typically offer advice. Sometimes it’s offered for a flat fee; other times, you pay commissions based on the advisor’s recommendations.

If you educate yourself about investing, you may be able to do an OK job of building a portfolio on your own. But you really should consult an objective, experienced financial planner once you’re within 10 years of retirement. It’s really easy to make mistakes in the years immediately before and after retirement. If the mistakes are bad enough — retiring too soon, withdrawing too much, taking too much or too little risk — you could wind up paying for them for the rest of your life.

However, recently I had a health issue that is making me rethink my future finances. I was told I had about a 20% chance of surviving this thing and, although I’m OK for now, there is no guarantee it won’t return at any moment. So should I keep planning for retirement, or should I take the “You can’t take it with you” attitude and start having some fun? Of course I know my wife may survive me by many years, so I am not talking about blowing everything, just lightening up.

Answer: Given that all of us are going to die someday, and few know exactly when, financial planning is all about balancing future needs with current fun. Blow too much money now, and you (or your spouse) could suffer for it later. Defer too much gratification, though, and you miss out on life.

Add to that mix the fact that medical prognoses can change. New treatments could extend your life or you could beat the odds and survive this thing.

The prudent thing to do would be to take your situation to a fee-only financial planner and discuss the options. Perhaps you could free up more money for travel or other memorable experiences with your wife in exchange for accepting that if you survive, you may have to work longer than you’d originally planned.

What book would you recommend for the person who knows absolutely nothing about finances? Life scares me at this point.

Answer: Please don’t be embarrassed about your situation. You’re recognizing you need help — and asking for it. You’ll be far better off than the spouses who let their partners handle everything and then find themselves adrift because of death or divorce.

An excellent place to start is financial planner Eric Tyson’s book “Personal Finance for Dummies.” It’s an easy-to-read, entertaining book that assumes you’re starting at square one. Once you’ve got that under your belt, you might want to tackle the book Tyson wrote with retirement expert Bob Carlson, “Personal Finance for Seniors for Dummies.”

Another terrific book, from a woman who also started at square one (after losing a small fortune to her husband), is Barbara Stanny’s “Prince Charming Isn’t Coming: How Women Get Smart About Money.”

Don’t worry that you don’t understand what they’re shouting about on financial TV and radio shows. Most of it is nonsense anyway.

You also should talk to your husband about finding a financial planner who can work with both of you to ensure your retirement planning is on track. Even die-hard do-it-yourselfers would benefit from an independent review as they approach retirement, and you can find referrals to fee-only financial planners from the Garrett Planning Network at http://www.garrettplanningnetwork.com and the National Assn. of Personal Financial Advisors at http://www.napfa.org.