Q&A: Mother-daughter drama and the financial ties that bind

Dear Liz: My mother is turning 92 this month. Due to a dispute, my mother amended her will last year and stated that my inheritance had to be used for a certain purpose.

My brother sent me the amendment and told me he will enforce my mother’s wishes. He also told me that I had to send a letter to him after my mother dies if I do not want anything from her trust. Is this accurate?

I want to put it in writing before my mother dies that I do not want a penny from her trust. I want to be completely estranged from my family and their control. Do I need a lawyer to do this, and do I have to wait until her death to put this in writing?

Answer: Consider showing the email to an experienced estate planning attorney to find out how much actual control your mother will have from beyond the grave. There may be workarounds that you (and your mother) haven’t considered.

If you decide you don’t want the money after her death, you can “disclaim” it in the letter your brother described. While it may seem more satisfying to make the point while your mother is still alive, you cannot force her to disinherit you any more than she can force you to take the money if you don’t want it.

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