Dear Liz: My cousin borrowed some money from us because he said they were behind on their house payments. It was only a small amount, but we said we wanted to sit down with him and his wife to discuss this. He agreed to meet with us in the evening of the day he received our check, but of course he called and said they couldn’t make it. We see them every week at church, and she doesn’t act as if anything was happened, while he avoids eye contact. It’s been three months and they haven’t made a single payment. I can’t imagine how I would feel if I found out that my husband was hiding something like this from me, and I don’t know if we should press the issue or just consider it a personal loss and lesson for the future. Any suggestions?
Answer: Loans to family and friends often become inadvertent gifts, so you were smart not to hand out more than you could afford to lose.
You already know everything you need to know about your cousin, which is that he lacks integrity as well as financial management skills. It’s possible that either or both of these facts would be news to his wife, but chances are good that she already knows. So there doesn’t seem to be much point in embarrassing her if you’ve already decided not to pursue the debt.